I am back! A whole month later with absolutely no progress on any front . No response from any interviews. No answer on my so called “Marriage”. I don’t get it . I Pray, I do good, I help others. NOTHING. The only positive thing that has happened so far this year is that I started Keto and lost 18 lbs. I literally have no clue what this year holds. I often wonder if this happens because I was comfortably numb. I am exhausted I just wish someone would point me in the same I need to go or atleast throw me a bone.
I sometimes think about to all the anger, and hurt I went through and I feel bad at how I treated my husband at times, but then I see how he treated me, how he was cold, distant, how he chose his parents over me, how he wouldn’t even spend time with me and I don’t feel too bad.
I have decided that this is what I need in order to continue
- Boundaries within his family. He must realise that I am PRIORITY NUMBER ONE.
- Willingness to start a family. If he says ” No” or ” I dont know” well then I got to go.
- Our own place. We will not be sharing a place with his parents, nor constantly vacationing with them.
Last week I exchanged words with my MIL and I have no regrets. I think its safe to say that I had held my tongue for a while and I was sick of her manipulative ways. So I finally gave her that much needed tongue lashing that I felt as though she needed, and I have no regrets. If anything I feel as though a weight has lifted off my chest
Since its cold and I have nothing really to do at times my thoughts can run wild even though deep down I KNOW I did the right thing. I often worry that we may get divorced but then I remind myself that that my whole life has been like this so what has changed?
I just wish God would tell me what to do. I wish this pain would leave my heart so I could move on.